Ephesians 2:1-10

Have you ever felt inadequate? Have you ever felt that no matter how hard you tried, you could never measure up to current expectations? You could never meet the standard? I know I sure have. It’s a feeling most unsettling. It feels like every move you make is dripping in utter disappointment. And you start to view yourself as a failure. You begin to think “Why would God love me? Can’t He see what I’ve done? It’s hopeless. I’m hopeless.” And you  know what? You’re right. On your own, you can’t do anything. 

But that’s the beauty of grace! It doesn’t matter that we aren’t perfect! God’s grace isn’t dependent upon what we do or what we don’t do. The whole beginning of the 2nd chapter of Ephesians is about us being dead and full of sin, but that while we were still dead, He gave us life! Look at verse 5: “It is only by God’s special favor that you have been saved.” Yes, God knows who you are and who’ve you been. He knows ALL of the things that you’ve done and ever will do. YET HE STILL LOVES YOU!!! His love never changes. 

Paul goes further to say in verses 8-9: “God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast.” Hmmm...See? You can’t do anything. Your salvation isn’t a result of how good you are or how many times you pray or how you helped that old lady across the street. God gives His grace freely, unrestricted.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the routine of Christianity. It’s so easy to get distracted and eventually fall into the mentality of “grace by works.” Think about the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10). Martha was so concerned with the details that she missed out on the relationship with Jesus. Don’t you see? God doesn’t want you to follow a list of things that you “have” do to for Him because it’s not about your good works; He wants to have a relationship with you. He is after your heart. 

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s masterpiece.” You are valuable! God favors you!! He delights in you! And He wants to pour into your life and satisfy your every desire. Abide in His presence and let Him show you Who He really is! This life is not about us. It’s not about what we can get out of God. It’s about God’s uninhibited grace and extravagant love! It’s only through the grace and love of God that we find our worth. 

"All you need is love...Do Do do-do-do"

Yes. It’s true. I’m a sucker for romance. To clarify, I hate the romance in movies that is so fake and far fetched and has the same plot and the ending that is so routine. In fact, I prefer real-life romance. My grandparents portray this like no other. They have been married for 51 years, but by the way they gaze into each other’s eyes, you’d think that they were seeing each other for the first time. Their story isn’t all that impressive, in fact, it’s very similar to so many cliched movies: college cheerleader falls in love with college football player, they get married, and they live happily ever after. Are they happy? Yes. Was it always happy? No. They’ve had more hardships than I could possibly know or understand. They take it one day at a time, hardship and happiness. But they’re taking it for “ever after”.

Over Christmas break, my grandma started asking me so many questions about school and life and the life-long friends that I’m making. Her favorite question to ask me was “So, do you have a boyfriend?” She asked me that question at least 4 times, and when I said no, for the 4th time, she rephrased it and asked “Are you meeting a lot of nice young men?” and yet again, “Do you have anyone that you are interested in?” My grandma isn’t one to pry into my love life, or lack thereof, so I was kinda taken aback by her questions. I’ve never heard these inquiries come from her mouth. I think that as I am her eldest granddaughter and I have yet to actually “date” someone, she’s getting a little concerned.

I don’t know what it’s like to “fall in love”. For that matter, I don’t know what it’s like to be “in a relationship”. It’s not that I don’t want a relationship, because I really really do. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a relationship so badly. I long for that companionship and commitment. I don’t feel that I need a man to “fulfill” me, as I know who I am through Jesus Christ and all that I am is fulfilled in Him, by Him, and for Him.

My relationship with Jesus Christ is the most important thing to me. It’s the #1 thing in my life. It IS my life. And you know what? I’m satisfied. God’s love is enough for me. Yes, I want to get married. Yes, I want to work with my husband, side-by-side in the purpose for which God has prepared us. And someday, I will meet him. But my relationship with Christ won’t ever change. No relationship will ever compare to ours. Song of Solomon 6:3 “I am my beloveds and he is mine.”

God is protecting my heart. He is holding it unto Himself. He is a jealous God. He is jealous for me. If only I could be as jealous for Him as He is for me. Revelations 2:4 says “yet I hold this against you: you have forsaken the love you had at first.” God, if I have ever forsaken You, forgive me! You are my first Love. No one else can love You like I love You. I won’t love anyone else as much as I love You. I can’t. Hold me. Protect me.

My desire for a relationship grows with each passing day, but at the same time, my love for God grows and my commitment to Him grows stronger, and His love and peace give me the patience to wait and to trust. In everything, God first.

Matthew 6:33 “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.”

No worries, Grandma. I’ll get my “ever after” soon enough :)

One piece at a time

Snow days. My school has had 4 consecutive snow days. The first couple of days were really exciting and the break was much needed. But days 3 and 4? I started getting a little bored. During the 3rd day, I broke out some puzzles, which everyone seemed to enjoy...well...most everyone. You occasionally run into those people who don’t like puzzles. And I completely understand that. Sometimes they are really difficult and yes, even the people that love them can get sick of them. Puzzles are not for the faint of heart. Mark my words.

Why do I love puzzles? I guess its the challenge of it all. Its kinda suspenseful in a way, like you know the goal or the final outcome, but the whole process of getting the picture put together is rather intriguing. And it might get frustrating. I try so many different combinations that give the false appearance of a perfect fit. Some pieces I try 57 times before I find its proper location. And then I lose a puzzle piece and I can’t even finish the puzzle because that one piece has the power to ruin the entire project. Putting together a puzzle isn’t easy. It’s difficult. I mean, if it was easy, where would the challenge be? Where is the intrigue? No, they’re hard and they take time. But the feeling I get when I know that I completed the puzzle, when I see for myself the beautiful masterpiece that was once just a pile of oddly shaped cardboard, for a split second, I feel like I’ve conquered the world.

My life is a puzzle. I have an idea of what the puzzle is supposed to look like, but I don’t have the entire picture. Only God does. I have some of the pieces, but I don’t have all of them. Only God does. And slowly, yet steadily, He gives me pieces of the puzzle, and slowly, and not-so-steadily, the pieces find their place. And slowly, things start to make sense and the picture begins to form.

And you know what? That’s ok. It’s ok not to know the whole picture. People have this idea that you must know everything now so that you can prepare for your future, and that’s great; preparation is good. But how do you know your future? How do you know exactly what you’re going to be doing 13 years from now? James 4:14 declares that you can’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. You have to trust God. God knows the story. God knows your story. He is the Author of your book and the Painter of the picture on your puzzle.

I don’t know everything there is to know about my purpose, but I know without a doubt that I have a purpose. I have a future. Someday, it will be clear to me. Someday, I’ll be able to look back and make sense of what God was doing and why I went through certain times of testing. Someday, I’ll understand the purpose for which God was preparing me. But that’s all someday. When is that? I don’t know. But right now, all I can do is trust God and take it one piece at a time.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Puzzles and Life. They’re the same.

The only difference is that God doesn’t lose any of the pieces.

Pearls of Potential

Matthew 13:44-46

“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field- and to get the treasure, too! Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a pearl merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!”

I’ve read this passage many times, and I’ve always thought that these 2 parables were the same, only reworded. But if you look, they aren’t the same at all! They are totally different! The first one is saying that the Kingdom of Heaven is like a hidden treasure, meaning that it’s sought after. The second one does not say that the Kingdom of Heaven is like a pearl that is sought after, but its actually the pearl merchant, who is seeking for valuable pearls.

You are the valuable pearl. God is seeking for you! Sure, you might be a little rough around the edges, but that’s not what God sees. When God looks at you, He sees all of your beauty. He sees your potential. He knows your true value and He’s willing to give up everything just for you. God is a Protector of potential. In John 8:7, the Pharisees were about to stone the woman who was caught in adultery, but how did Jesus respond? He wrote in the dirt and said “those who have never sinned throw the first stone.” Why did He do that? She was guilty? Why didn’t He just let them stone her and be done with it? Why? What’s the point? Because He was able to look past her current state and saw her potential.

God sees potential. He sees your potential, your mother’s potential, your neighbor’s potential, your pastor’s potential, your dental hygienist’s potential, the President’s potential, the prostitute’s potential, and even the potential of the grumpy, greasy-haired Wal-mart greeter. He sees it all. They are all “pearls” in His eyes. Should that change the way we view each other and the way we interact with one another? Yes, it should! We need to treat others with respect and show them love because they are of equal value to God.

You are a pearl of potential. Now find it in someone else. :)

When God speaks...

God has really taken me on a journey this week :) I’ve had some pretty amazing moments with Him. During one of my prayer times, God spoke to me. He asked, “Do you notice Me? Do you notice My love for you? Do you see the things that I do for you? Are you satisfied with My love? Is My presence enough for you? You are the desire of My heart, My most precious treasure. I do what I do because I love you. I notice you. I know you. And I just want to be with you.” God has spoken to me like this before, but I couldn’t help but cry, as if I was hearing it for the first time. To hear God say to ME that He notices me meant so much!

Later, God showed me a picture of a playground and a bunch of kids were lined up against the fence. The team captains started calling out names and the kids started to walk over to the person who called their name. That was the entire scene. But then God said, “You are always the right choice.” That statement made me think about how many times I change my mind and I change what I want to do and jump around and whatever. It made me realize how many times I’ve made bad decisions. But no matter what, God is always the same! He always loves me the same! He has no regrets with me. No “what-ifs” or “If onlys”. Just that I am always the right choice.

God’s love for me breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because it makes me think of all the people who have no idea what it means to be loved. Everyone is searching for love, for a reason to belong. I have one, but how many don’t? What about the people who feel that they have to drown their sorrows with alcohol in order to cope and make pain a bit less visible, even for just a moment? What about all of the girls who shamelessly throw themselves at men who will tell them what they want to hear, only to take advantage of them? What about the children who aren’t even given a chance because their lives were torn apart when a family member abused them? What about the girl or boy who is throwing up in the bathroom because they are disgusted by their own appearance? What about THEM?? God, why don’t You tell them what You tell me!? All of these people, searching for significance, searching for relevance.

Maybe God tells me so that I can tell them.

Silence is no longer an option.

Give My Heart Away

I’m afraid to give my heart away. I’m not talking about giving my heart away to God, as I have made a decision to do that daily. But what if I give my heart away to something that is wrong or that doesn’t deserve my heart? I’m afraid of the commitment when it comes to the consequences of possibly engaging in the wrong commitment. And so I avoid it all together. But the truth is that if God has given me the passions and desires that I possess, then I should fully give away my heart to all of these things, not being required to choose one over the other. I can relentlessly pursue my calling. I don’t have to moderate how much of my heart I’m able, or willing, to give away. That’s what’s different about the heart of God. God has fully given away His heart and His presence and His grace to everyone; not one is lacking or given a smaller portion. The same with my heart. I can fully give away my heart to all of the things that God has called me to, without fear of losing myself or my love.

I am loved, and therefore I am fearless.

Roadtrip anyone?

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will be the Source of your Help.” Psalm 37: 4, 5

This is much easier said (or read) than done. Trusting God can be so difficult as times, more so than not. Trust is a process; it’s not just handed to us when we get saved, it’s a journey, and it’s definitely not a perfect journey. Just picture it. Your life is a car. Your car tries and tries, but every up and down hill puts strain on the engine. Potholes ruin your car, tiny pebbles scratch your windshield, spilt Dr. Pepper develops into an eye-catching strain on your carpet, and mud becomes a permanent hood ornament. Sometimes, it may seem easier to call off the road-trip rather than embrace the mess.

But you know what? God NEVER gives up on us! He is willing to embrace our mess, time and time again. At the end of every detour or wrong exit is a Daddy with His arms open wide. God doesn’t care about the what we look like on the journey...He’s just proud of us for trying and so He continues to cheer us on. And that’s all His wants of us. He wants us to try. We always complicate everything and think that our path should be perfect, and if it’s not, we’re doing something wrong. Our thinking is what causes us stress and disappointment, not the journey. Once we realize that we aren’t perfect and our ability to trust isn’t perfect, it becomes so simple. And attainable.

Life is a learning experience. We just have to take that first step, that declaration of “Ok, God, I don’t understand, but here we go...” That’s all that trust is!

So, I guess what I’m saying is...keep trusting. Don’t give up on the journey. Keep running after Him with all of your heart and you will be blessed! “Trust Him, and He will be the Source of your Help.” That’s a promise, and God can’t break a promise. Isn’t that wonderful?

I can't take it.

Cancer. Divorce. Learning disabilities. Brain Aneurysms. Broken leg. Strokes. Coma. Depression. I feel like the realization of all these things have been thrown my way in the last 2 weeks. My family has taken a hit. Nothing makes sense anymore. I feel like my life is falling apart. My strong exterior is slowly fading to reveal how broken I really am. I can't handle this. I feel helpless. The distance between the situations and me is satisfying, yet also heartbreaking. I can’t reach out to those that I love.

What words do You want to hear? What can I say that will give me what I want? Can You make this all disappear? It’s so hard to pray because I feel like I’ve fully exhausted every variation, every derivative, every tear. I have nothing left to give. This is all that I can muster. And now I feel numb, like all of this is surreal and at any moment, I’m going to wake up from this nightmare. But it’s not a nightmare; it’s not even a dream.

It’s hard not to blame God. I’m not embracing this as a reason to be angry with God, but to be honest, I’ve had to continually decide not to be. I have to remind myself that My God is a good God. He is faithful. And He loves me. And He is in control. I have to trust Him, mainly because there’s nothing else that I can do, but also because...He’s GOD. He knows what He is doing. :)

Your will be done, Lord.

Your will be done.

Sunset Secrets

One of my favorite things is the sunset. At home, I always go outside and just watch. It’s my get-away, my safe place, my moment with God. This last time was no different. I stepped outside and onto the back porch...only to find my 13 year old sister sitting on the wooden railing with one leg dangling down and the other clutched so close that she could easily rest her chin on her knee. I’d never seen her watch the sunset before, partially because she would never sit still long enough. But nevertheless, I decided to observe her. She was so peaceful; her eyes were filled with wonder as she watched the rainbow of fire dancing before her. I guess I made a sound because she suddenly turned back and saw me staring at her. She acted startled and embarrassed, almost like she was found where she wasn’t supposed to be.

“What are you doing out here?” I inquired with a slight smile.

She looked down at the ground and answered hesitantly, “Sometimes, I just need a break and a chance to get away from everything. I like the quiet.” After a pause, she sighed and turned her gaze toward the sunset as she continued. “God meets me out here, Steph. I can feel His presence. He’s speaking to me and He’s so beautiful. And then I think of all the other people, seeing the same thing that I’m seeing, and I just don’t get how they can look at this and still say ‘There is no God’.”

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I wasn’t expecting such a wise statement from my little sister. It hit me a few days ago that my sister is daily experiencing what the entire world is in search of....the presence of God and the “secret place”. I’m not talking about a “spiritual high”, though there are those times after you’ve been in God’s presence and you just can’t operate or think clearly...but I like to call them a “Holy hangover”.

But that’s not why we desperately thirst after His presence. That’s not the reason that we seek Him. We seek Him because we desire communion and relationship with Him. We long to be in His presence. We want to hear His voice. Psalm 91:1 says “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” It’s about the secret place. It’s about completely abandoning yourself to God and allowing Him to move freely. Smith Wigglesworth said that ”there is a place where you take hold of God, but there is a better place where God takes hold of you.” Only God can take you there. The “secret place” is God’s gift to us, a place of total freedom and intimacy. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

I’ve been there. And my heart’s greatest desire is that others would experience His presence in this way. I know that it sounds trippy, but it’s not. Many experience the presence of God, but few experience the “secret place”. It says in 2 Corinthians 3:17 that “where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Some things only God can show you. There is a freedom that is yet to be known and yet to be experienced. God, I want that freedom! I want to see the world walk in intimacy with You.

“Take me to that place, Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You and You can make me like You. Wrap me in Your arms. Wrap me in Your arms. Wrap me in Your arms.”

"Delight in Me."

The story of Mary and Martha has always stood out to me. I guess you could say that it’s one of my favorite passages in the Bible. In the past, I have used the story to illustrate how the church has become more like Martha, too busy with the details to experience the presence of God. I still feel that way, but today, God hit me with a new thought. He introduced the aspect of my own humility, or lack thereof, which produced a whole new line of thinking.

I am more like Martha than I would like to admit. Martha and I are the same in our desire for perfection. I am actively pursuing perfection. I have this mentality that everything must be perfect in my life before God will move...meaning, that, spiritually, I need to reach that spot or depth in God that I had at one time possessed. And I know that this is something that everyone has struggled with, but I guess I’ve just now realized that it’s something that I struggle with.

But it’s not about seeking after perfection; it’s about seeking His presence. On my own, I can’t do anything. I can’t make myself better. I can’t save myself. God’s presence is what heals me. I will admit that I’ve become legalistic, setting out to follow a set of rules, instead of letting God meet me where I am and having a real relationship with Him. It’s hard for me to ask to for help. It’s difficult to admit when something is too great for me to handle. But if I could just learn to humble myself in the presence of God, He can fix me. God is the only Being who doesn’t expect me to do things on my own. I need to learn to let go, to throw my hands up and say “I can’t do this. I messed up. Will You pick me up?”

In Luke 10:42, Jesus said that “there is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

God, teach me how to delight in You.