"it's not time."

I’m a senior. In college. what?

In exactly 6 short months from tomorrow (ha), I’ll be walking across the platform in front of my classmates, closest friends, and family. What a crazy thought. Can you imagine? Me: a college graduate. wow. 

It’s funny (but not really) how different my life is at this point from what I had always imagined. I never thought I would live in Gabrielle my senior year. I never dreamed of getting a degree in accounting, or anything related to business. I thought I would have gone on a missions trip by now. I thought I would be engaged by now, or dating someone seriously, at the very least. ha...that hasn’t happened. I’ve been single for...well, let’s see....uh...yeah, goin’ on 22 years now. Yep.

Through some of the books that I’ve been reading for my senior paper class, I’ve been forced to ask myself what I want out of life. Of course, I’ve always had dreams, but this is the time when those distant fantasies could possibly be within reach. Though some of my passions or dreams have changed over the years, there are three that have continued to grow with intensity: getting married, worship, and missions or some type of ministry. 

Side note: All three of these passions are interconnected. My desire is to do worship and missions with my husband. There is nothing more beautiful to me than a husband and wife that lead worship together.  

For years now, actually since I was 10 and told my parents that I wanted to be a missionary, when anyone mentions anything about missions, I get really excited and my spirit begins to churn. I have always wanted to be apart of missions and take the Gospel where it’s never been. In chapel a few weeks back, there was a lot of talk about missions and I got really really excited. I had been praying about going on a mission trip with my school this summer. I remember just sitting there thinking that maybe this was the year that I would be released to go. And that’s when I heard God speak to me.

“It’s not time.” 

Dang. I feel like these words are the 3 worst words to ever hear. Sometimes, a “no” from God is much easier to swallow than a “not yet”. It’s like a 3 year old little kid and Christmas. You know those awful aunts who send the Christmas present weeks or months in advance and the tag says “Don’t open until Christmas.” A 3 year old doesn’t have a concept of time. 2 weeks feels like 14 years and 2 weeks. In my mind, it would almost be better to not have a gift at all. 

I’m that 3 year old. And it’s so hard. Especially since I’m almost out of school and I want so badly to know what God has for me. I feel like I have 1/7th of a map and I’m expected to figure out where I’m going. I feel lost. But just the other day, right when I was struggling with making decisions, God spoke to me something so simple. “I have found you.” My immediate reaction was well duh, but it sunk much deeper. Now matter how lost I feel, God has never lost me. He has never misplaced a single thing in my life. He hasn’t lost my purpose. And it went even further...maybe it’s not my job to figure out where my life is going. Maybe my job is to trust Him and patiently wait for His timing.

Proverbs 16:9 “We make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

So, I just wanted to take a moment to encourage you. None of us have life planned out. None of us have the whole map. You’re not alone. You aren’t lost. God has found you! Trust Him with the “not yet”. Keep holding onto Him and seeking Him above everything else and know that He has never let go of you. Trust Him. His timing is perfect...and so are His gifts. Part of the adventure is the excitement and anticipation of what the gift holds inside. 

Keep waiting for Him...because Christmas is right around the corner :)

until everything went white.

"May 25th, 2012

3:07am

When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that I would be on my way to the Mexican boarder. Early today, or yesterday rather, after a quick conversation with my brother, I volunteered to accompany him and my father on a trip through the night to Del Rio, Texas. And here we are in...actually I have no idea where we are. We passed Dallas some time ago, but I haven’t really been paying attention to the road signs. My brother has been driving for 5 consecutive hours as my dad sleeps in the back seat and I just sit here in the passenger seat. I’m sooo tired. I’ve been up for 20 hours now. But no matter how tired I get, I won’t fall asleep. I can’t.

FLASHBACK...

I was 12 years old. My mom, siblings, and I were driving in our light blue Windstar to Washington D.C. to visit my aunt’s family. By the time we reached Indianapolis, it was about 3pm and some of us had drifted off to sleep. I was sitting in the passenger seat, coloring in a Justice League coloring book with my new set of gel pens. Out of nowhere, my mom yelled “Dear Jesus!!!” and I looked up at her and then straight ahead, just in time to see the back end of a Jeep Cherokee get increasingly closer...50 feet...25 feet...10 feet...until it was the only thing you could see out the windshield...until everything went white.

I don’t remember the actual crash. I remember every detail leading up to impact: the model and type of the vehicle, which color gel pen I was using, the Adventures in Odyssey episode to which we were listening. And I remember everything after the crash: my mom trying to guide our totaled van to the shoulder of the interstate, the screams that erupted from my 2 year old sister as she had just been rudely awakened (to say the least), the sting of the air bag “powder” on my arms, and the taste of blood in my mouth. But for some reason, I can’t remember the crash itself. 

Later, we discovered the reason for the crash, which was neither the fault of my mother nor the driver that we hit. It didn’t really dawn on me how intense this accident was until a policeman asked who was in the front seat and then asked “Why are you alive?”. Apparently, when a vehicle moving 75mph smashes into one that’s going considerably slower, no one is supposed to survive, much less come out of it unscathed. Everyone involved was completely fine. I didn’t even have burns on my arms from the air bag. Ok, I bit my tongue in all the excitement, but that was it. Crazy, right? No...it was God.

I had nightmares of the crash for a few months following, but I always woke up right before impact. Slowly, the nightmares went away. For awhile, I blamed myself. If only I wasn’t looking down and not paying attention, maybe I would have noticed that we were going a lot faster than the other car, and maybe I could have warned my mom or said something as she was preparing to change lanes and looked over her shoulder to check her blindspot. By doing so, she inadvertently created another. Maybe I could have been the eyes that she needed, that we all needed.” 

NINE YEARS LATER...

...and I’m still affected by what happened that day. I can’t fall asleep in the passenger seat. No matter how hard I try or how tired I get, I can’t do it. I guess I feel like I have to be alert and help keep the driver awake and focused. Friends have noticed that when they roar up behind some car, like at a stoplight or something, I tense up. Actually, I dig my right foot into the floor, as if pushing on the break, like I’m trying to stop what I couldn’t before, but still to no avail. I’m not fearful of cars. I’m not afraid to let someone else drive. I trust other drivers. However, for some reason, I still feel like our safety is partly my responsibility. As the driver is busy controlling the direction and momentum of the car, I could be a lookout for danger, detours, and drunk drivers. And that’s what I do. I’ve seen first hand what can happen, and now I do my best to try to control the outcome. 

And that’s my point...I desire control. Now, I am not a controlling person; I don’t have to be in charge and or have my own way. I just like structure. It works for me.

I think that’s one of the reasons why I get frustrated with God and His plans. When I look at God, I don’t see structure. To consider God structured would in fact confine Him to my simple human knowledge of Who He is, which He, undoubtedly, surpasses. No, when I look at God, I see an unlimited God Who makes the broken WHOLE, the sinner REDEEMED, the dead ALIVE, the impossible POSSIBLE. God is God and He operates beyond what we can comprehend or predict. And that’s scary.

And this is the reason why so many (or maybe it’s just me) struggle with trusting God, because I can’t even begin to know what to expect. I want control, yet God wants the exact opposite...He asks for surrender. 

It’s so hard not knowing where I’m going. I look around at the people that have come before me and the people who are with me now, and they seem to have everything together. They know where they’re going, so why can’t I? It’s also difficult to watch as others receive what they want when they want it. Sometimes I feel as though others received what was intended for me. Why is mine taking so long? God, where are we going (direction) and when will we get there (momentum)? 

Yet even in all of this, God has shown Himself faithful. God has left me with peace (John 14:27). God promises to give us His peace, peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7). I’ve always viewed this Scripture to mean that God’s peace is so overwhelming that it is unexplainable. But today, I also feel that it means that God’s peace COVERS all that is UNEXPLAINABLE. 

So, this is where I’m at right now. I know I’ve talked a lot about trusting God; I guess I do that because it’s something that I wrestle with daily. Everyday I have to hand over the keys. Everyday I remind myself that I am surrendered to God, and that it’s not my responsibility to control what happens. God’s got this. God’s got me. I may have to endure several days or years of not knowing what God’s got in store, but I know one thing, God’s got me. And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. 

I think it’s about time that I just let go...and fall asleep in the passenger seat.

only darkness remains.

I grew up in church. Heck, I practically lived at church. My parents were associate/worship pastors up until I was 12...and that’s when they became the senior pastors. I went to my church’s private school for 7 years. When I was 14, I got involved, heading up an 8-12 year olds small group, leading worship every other Sunday, running the projector and sound booth on the days I wasn’t leading, and assisting with the nursery 2 times a month. As a PK (pastor’s kid, for those of you who are not familiar with church abbreviations), I was also the “guinea pig” of anything new that they wanted to implement for the youth. Therefore, I’ve taken 3 1-year long leadership courses, Catechism, and a course for new believers (which I took 11 years late). But even in all of this - the training, the discipleship, the foundation - there was something that was missed. Something that I needed desperately.

I am so thankful for my foundation, for my parents’ teaching and training, for God’s grace and 2nd/3rd/4th+ chances! God is my rock! Matthew 7:25 says that “[t]hough the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse, because it is built on rock.” I love this verse. It gives me hope. 

For a moment, let’s be realistic. A house built on rock withstands massive winds, rains, floods, etc...but I grew up in Missouri...and a sturdy foundation is still subject to the devastating blows of a tornado. 

I never learned about darkness...my darkness. 

I am so in love with God! I have a real, deep, personal relationship with my Creator. Everywhere I turn, I see Him. I stand on His promises. I believe in His goodness. I know that He loves me! God has spoken to me so many times, whether through thoughts, pictures, dreams, and even songs. I know God, yet I’m desperate to know Him more! I’m surrendered to Him and I’m excited to see all of the plans that He has for my life!

But then there are times of darkness. It’s not really darkness, but I don’t know how else to describe it. It doesn’t matter how long I pray, I’m answered with silence. I feel alone, forsaken even. Life feels on the verge of being completely hopeless. I feel distant from God. I start to wonder what I’ve done to cause this separation. I start begging God to speak to me. I can’t pray without crying. And what’s worse is that I can’t talk to anyone about it because then they’ll look down on me, wonder what I could have possibly done for God to push me away, tell me I’m not as strong as they thought, and walk away from me, banishing me to my darkness. Only darkness remains. And all I can do is weep.

I was never warned of this season. I’ve been to many church services, but none of them prepared me for this. I’ve heard the sermons about how “darkness hates the light”, “darkness is the absence of light”, and “there’s a light at the end of this tunnel”, but nothing about how I would get these feelings of hopelessness. No one talked about it, so I thought that I was the only one who experienced this.  

But David did. I love King David. He isn’t necessarily my favorite character in the Bible, but he’s definitely in the top 5. David is pretty cool. David had it all: the sandals of a shepherd and the scandals of a celebrity. David is famous for his starring role in the story of “David and Goliath”. Even people who aren’t Christians know of that great feat. David is also known for his horrible mistake involving adultery and murder. And yet this same David is known for being “the man after God’s own heart”. It’s crazy how God loves to use those who have messed up. I mean, just look at David. We still love David. He’s famous in most Christian circles. His songs and poems are still used to being praise to God and to comfort the weary and the broken. 

Read Psalm 88. I randomly stumbled onto it just the other day. It’s dark and sorrowful, but it brought me hope. I don’t know if David actually wrote this or not, but regardless, this passage talks about the same things I’ve mentioned above. The author even likens himself to being dead. The psalm ends with a poetic depiction of how he feels. “Your fierce anger has overwhelmed me. Your terrors have cut me off. They swirl around me like floodwaters all day long. They have encircled me completely. You have taken away my companions and loved one; only darkness remains.” 

I am currently in this season of darkness. It has happened before and it most assuredly will happen again. I don’t know why it happens; I’m not in control here. But I’m learning to find joy in the silence. I’m learning to trust God with everything that I am. I am only writing this to you now because I feel that this is something that we need to talk about. It happens, so we should embrace it, not cover it up. It’s ok to go through this season.

The next time you feel like you’re in this kind of darkness, here are some things that might be helpful:

1. You are not alone. Whether you were warned about the times when God is silent or not, everyone experiences it. Talk to somebody about it. Tell them what’s going on and ask them to pray with you and keep you accountable. Friends, we’re here to support each other, not hinder. We need to build each other up, not tear ourselves apart! Open up. Get honest with God, with yourself, and with someone you trust who can support you. 
2. You are not a target. God isn’t out to get you or punish you for something you’ve done or didn’t do. You don’t need to feel ashamed or less worthy or whatever lie the devil is trying to feed you. Spit it out! Taste and see that the Lord is good! This could be a test. This could be God giving you a chance to act on what He has already told you. God can instruct and teach you as much as He wants, but it’s YOU who has to choose to be obedient. Are you ready to step out of the boat?
3. This is a season. You’re not stuck here, though it may very well feel like you are. 
4. Keep pressing on. Listen to Relient K’s “Pressing On” if that will help motivate you. Don’t give up! Continue to read your Bible and pray. Do all of the things that you normally do. I’m not saying that you have to, but I’ve found that it can be helpful to fast during this time. 
5. God’s got your back. Always remember that no matter how distant God feels, He has never left you. Just because He isn’t speaking to you doesn’t mean that He’s not there. 
6. God is a good God. Repeat it daily if you need to, write it on your mirror. God is good. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean that God isn’t good. Recall the times in your life when God revealed Himself to you. Think about how God has showered you with His grace and protection. Think of all of the times that God carried you. God is good, my friend. God IS good.

The darkness always comes before the dawn. Take heart. The sun is rising.

the blank page

As I sit here, trying to contemplate what I’m gonna do with my life, I stare at a blank page. Words just don’t come when I think about my future. I can’t help but wonder if this is a sign, if this is all my future will ever be: a blank page. Maybe I actually die early or Jesus comes back before my life really begins. But surely there has to be something written on the page. Right? 

I get rather irritated when people ask me what I’m going to do after graduation. I know that they only ask because they are interested in my life and truly care about me, but sometimes that’s not how I view it. It’s like it becomes one more thing that reminds me of my cluelessness and my lack of direction. If I respond with “I don’t know”, they pry. “Are you going to start working right away? Grad school? Are you ever going to get married?” Yes, thank you for pointing out the obvious. Do they really think that I haven’t thought about all of this? That I don’t wrestle with these unanswered questions every day? If I knew the answer, I would have told you the first time. 

I’ve spent countless nights, crying, begging God to show me something, just one step. I keep telling myself that He isn’t telling me because it’s not time, which I truly believe. God knows me so well, and He knows that if He reveals something to me, I’ll charge forward, full steam, even if it’s out of season. 

I know that I’ve said before that I don’t have to know the plans, that I’m fine with letting God bear that burden and I’m trusting Him...which is much easier blogged about then applied. I have trusted, I am trusting, but I can’t shake this desire for answers that’s gnawing on my very being. Am I just supposed to ignore it? I started thinking that maybe my continual asking was a sign that I wasn’t really trusting, but I don’t think that’s true. I think God wants me to ask, to plead with Him about revealing His plans for my life because it’s an act of surrender, a statement showing that I desire His very best for me and nothing else, nothing less. 

I woke up this morning thinking about Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” My immediate thought was, Oh goody. Good for you, God. How exactly does this help me? I still haven’t a clue. And you know? I still kinda feel this way even now, but something else hit me. This isn’t the complete promise. Verse 11 is just the beginning, while verses 12-14 are the best part. “In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find Me. I will be found by you.” 

And now I have peace again. Yes, the page is still blank, but that’s when I have to remind myself that I’m not the Author and I’m not holding the pen.

God, my search is after You alone. I am not seeking the plans, but I’m seeking after You, the One Who formed the plans and holds them, along with me, next to Your heart. I want to find You. Give me strength, God. Let me not be overwhelmed and plagued by the unknown. I’m not afraid of the plans that You have for my life.

senseless love.

I love boxes. In fact, I love any sort of organizational instrument that helps keep my life appear less cluttered. I have a compartment for everything: responsibilities, my job, friends and relationships, dreams, today, Jesus, etc. I guess I like being able to label where things go by category and how they work. Some are categorized by order of importance or by how much time is involved. Once things are where I want them, I close the lid and place the box on my shelf, until one of the contents is needed.

The more I read my Bible, the more I realize that I don’t know Who God is. I think I do, but when it comes down to it, the cold hard truth is that I have put God in my little box of pre-determined ideas. Like, I want to know God, but only to the extent and context of what I already believe. I know that God is Love, so I slap a label on Him and tuck Him away, never really allowing myself to experience and explore the depths of His un-quenching passion and love for me, simply because I feel content just to know. 

God isn’t meant to be kept in a box, yet He is willing to stay. This is something else that I don’t understand. God is all-powerful; the heavens tremble when He speaks. He is Creator; I am here and have life simply because He spoke. He holds the balance of life and death in the palm of His hand. He could easily speak a flame-thrower into existence and melt down the sides of the box, or maybe just teleport out of it, or use some sort of forcefield. But He doesn’t. He desires my heart so much that He is willing to humble Himself and sit in my box until I’m ready to open it. Who does that?

I asked some friends of mine how they would describe God’s love using only one word. They came up with a whole bunch of great descriptions: ”powerful”, ”fierce”, ”passionate” but the only thing that I can think of is “senseless”. There is no reason why God should love me, why He should pursue me. It doesn’t make sense that He would die for me even before He knew my love. It’s beyond what I am able to comprehend in my logical, natural thought. In fact, it’s totally absurd.

~Ephesians 3:18,19~

“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to fully understand.”

~Romans 5:8~

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

I’m tired of being content (a.k.a. complacent) with this kind of relationship. I want to have the same kind of senseless love for God that He has for me. 

The lid is off. God, I’m not afraid to love You. I don’t want to just know that You love me, though I am thankful for the knowledge. But I want to experience Your love to the fullest extent that I can handle. Tear down my ideas, my limitations, my pre-conceived notions of Who You are. Reveal Yourself to me. Shatter the box.  

trust issues and directionally challenged-ness

“There are so many times when I feel absolutely...useless. Tonight is one of those nights. You know when you sit around wondering what life might be like if you [insert something awesome here]? Like, what would I be doing if I wasn’t in school right now? Well, I would still be in my hometown, probably working with the youth there. In fact, I would be a “youth pastor” of sorts, leading worship and having some sort of ministry to help young ladies find their identity in Christ. I would have gone to Germany or Switzerland for 6 months with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). I would have witnessed to someone and discipled them. These are the opportunities that I gave up to pursue an eduction. Why am I here? 

I really hate the “What if..?” question. Frankly, I hate the unknown. I like to be in the know. I search until I find answers. But sometimes, the answers aren’t supposed to be found, at least, not right when I want them. And that really frustrates me. I like to have things figured out. I enjoying planning how things are supposed to work. 

Why am I here? I know that I only have bits and pieces of God’s plan for my life, but this has got to be quite the puzzle! 150,000 pieces at least! I feel like nothing makes sense. I have puzzle pieces with a redish tint on them and then I have some with blues and purples and others that are just plain white. What’s going on, God? Where does it all fit? Why do I have such a passion for the brokenhearted? Where does my heart for young women fit in with accounting? When will I have time to write my books and my music? When do I get to move to Africa?

Nothing makes sense, God.” 

I wrote this rant based on a war that was raging inside of me just this past week. At church this morning, the pastor didn’t really have a sermon; in fact, he spoke about his life story and how he got to be where he is today. He talked about how sometimes we can’t see the road ahead of us, we have pieces of information, but not the whole picture. He talked about how he got a business degree from the very school that I attend, and then God gave him a passion to bring healing to broken people and led him to a degree in counseling and other theological studies. He shared about how he questioned God and His direction and wondered why God let him get a business degree when he would be pastoring and counseling. But God has used everything that man has been through, every experience, every passion and gift.

Then, the pastor looked out over the crowd and said “God has you where He wants you. You are where you are so that you can grow and develop the character that He wants you to have. Everything will come together. God will use what you have experienced and will place right where He wants you. Continue to trust God.”

I’ve never been more grateful to hear a message than I was today. I knew that this message was for me. As a current business major, his story brought so much comfort to me. My heart rejoiced and it’s like, for the first time I realized that God knows what He is doing with me. I’ve heard this many many times and I thought I believed it, but today, it hit home. I was reminded that this “plan” that I’m following isn’t even mine to begin with, it’s God’s. Every passion that I have is based out of the passionate heart of the Father, MY Father. Why should I worry that these passions, HIS passions, aren’t gonna line up? It IS possible for everything to fall into place! God is...well, GOD! I almost started crying right there in the middle of the service because of the peace and the joy that overwhelmed me. I do trust God with my life and my future. I gave Him my heart 17 years ago (as of 3 days ago) and He’s held it securely. God is faithful and that is the promise upon which I will continue to stand. 

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” ~Psalm 27:13,14

There was something else that God brought to my attention today, something that I haven’t thought about in years. I was at a conference several years ago and the speaker said something very simple, yet profound. He was talking about serving God wholeheartedly. He said, “Be willing to do anything, but obedient to do everything.” As of January 22nd, 2012, this became my life motto. I don’t ever want to miss God or miss out on something that He has for me. I don’t ever want to step out His will for my life. I want to be so in tune with God that I don’t miss a single whisper of His heart. 

“He Who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.” ~Philippians 1:6

I know that I talk about life plans and goals and trusting God a lot, but that’s one of the major things with which I struggle and I need a constant reminder. And I’m pretty sure that I’m not alone in this. I haven’t found many people who are willing to open up about the unknown in there lives. There’s a war still raging inside of me. So, I will continue to talk about my trust issues and my directionally challenged-ness. Feel free to comment or subscribe or even unsubscribe, I don’t care what you do. But I can promise you one thing...this is gonna be a bumpy ride. You up for it? :)

prepare for the mission

Being that I am a 21 year old female, raised in a Charismatic Christian home and currently attending a Christian university, the fact that I have never gone on a mission trip might be a surprising discovery. It’s not that I am against foreign missions or have never been interested...missions are at the heart of who I am. I am just awaiting the appropriate time for me to go. I’ve heard it said many times that young people just need to go on a mission trip and become aware of other surroundings and circumstances, living conditions, religions, and brokenness. But in my opinion, don’t go if your heart’s not in it or if your heart’s not where it should be. I’m not gonna go on missions just so I can say I’ve been. I will go, but God hasn’t given me to “go-ahead” yet. I am still in the preparing stage. 

I’ve talked with several people who have been involved with mission trips and heard the extraordinary tales of how God worked and moved. It’s so incredible to hear of the ways that God showed up. In some cases, the team saw lots of spiritual manifestations and many miraculous signs and wonders. Most of them made a difference in the community in which they ministered. Lives were changed. The people received a glimpse of the hope they have so desired. 

Weeks of preparation go into getting ready for a mission trip, and seeing as I have never gone, I am unaware of the actual amount of preparation needed. I know for a fact that hours and hours of prayer are spent each day, faces to the ground, crying out for the deliverance and salvation of the country at hand. Every spare moment is spent basking in God’s presence and seeking revelation. 

But I can’t help but question...why is this kind of preparation only important for mission trips? If we truly are “in the world, not of it” (John 15:19), shouldn’t we be spending every waking moment at the feet of Jesus, ready for service? Why don’t we see the remarkable acts of God in our nation? Why is it surprising to hear that someone saw an angel in Puerto Rico? Or that someone was raised from the dead in Djioubti? Why is that unusual? 

It shouldn’t be unusual, but it is. We don’t see signs and wonders in the same way that we don’t see any of the Gifts operating in todays churches. What’s happened to prophecy? It’s not dead, but we’ve certainly wrapped it in burial clothes. What about healing? Miraculous power? Tongues and it’s interpretation?  

I want to see these things happen here, NOW, at my home, in my church, on my campus, IN MY LIFE. I want to see God move! And better yet, God WANTS to move! He’s longing to do the impossible in YOUR life. He’s waiting for the moment when He can reveal Himself in ways that we’ve never seen. PRAY! Call on the name of the Lord! Spend hours in His presence. Seek His face on behalf of YOUR nation!

Please understand that I am not dissing, or belittling, missions trips. I am continually realizing the rising desperation for prayer for the salvation of other countries. I know that there is a need. I stated earlier that I am longing to go. I’m just asking ”what if...?” I’m asking that you consider the spiritual state of your own country, of the broken people around you. I’m urging you to pray.

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and I will heal their land.” II Chronicles 7:14

God, you know my heart. You know that I am willing to go wherever you send me, to the ends of the earth or around the corner. Let your will be done in my life. I am Yours, no matter what. Don’t give up on my nation. Bring her back to You.