thus far.

Today is my 23rd birthday. I don't really feel older and I most certainly don't feel any wiser. However, a friend asked me some time ago to consider what advice I would offer someone if given the chance. I don't pretend to have life figured out. Heck, I learn something new everyday. But here are the "life lessons"/pieces of advice that I would give thus far:    

Learn to write. Of course I’m saying something about writing because it’s what I love to do (obviously). There are three main reasons why I believe that everyone should learn to write well. The first and most practical reason is that almost any job that you will have, you will need to be a good communicator, especially in written form. Whether emails to clients, reports, or interoffice memos, being a good writer is imperative to a successful career. No1 is goin 2 keep sum1 who cant right a props senence. Secondly, and probably most importantly in my mind, writing gives you an outlet to help you find a voice. Writing helps me to sort out my thoughts and process whatever is going on in my life. I love writing because I can go back years later and see how I handled a certain conflict or how God was faithful to carry me through a specific situation. Writing is good for the soul. And lastly, consider sharing what you’ve written. Sometimes, the things that you have written are the things that someone else needs to read. Have you ever had that moment when you read something and the words just connected with you like they were written for you? Well, why can’t your words have the same effect? Don’t get me wrong, I write for me; I don’t write for anyone else. But sometimes I wonder if maybe someone else is facing the same thing as me and maybe someone else is looking for a connection, for hope, or maybe just the evidence that they are not alone. I write for me, but I blog for someone else, even if it’s just one person.

Get to know yourself. As a senior in high school, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Now, a college graduate and business professional, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. And that’s ok. Part of the journey is getting to know yourself. I have learned more about myself in the past 4 years than I ever thought I could. And yet, I’m still learning new things about me. It’s an ongoing process and a great one, at that. But here are some things that will help you out. 1) Use tools and tests to learn about yourself. You are not easy to dissect, so it’s best to use multiple tools to help you. You can actually study yourself, like taking notes of why you react a specific way, why you don’t get along with certain people, etc. However, if you’re not as self-reflective as I am, there are other tools to use, such as the Myers-Briggs personality test. In my experience, the MB test has been right on and so insightful. Take the 5 Love Languages test to reveal how you receive/show love. Take the StrengthsFinder test to reveal which strengths are your strongest and how to incorporate them more effectively. There are many other tests that you can take, and I say take in all the information you can get. All of these tools can shed light on why you are the way you are. 2) Ask close friends what things they’ve noticed about you. You’d be surprised what insights they might have. 3) Who knows you better than the One Who created you? The best way to learn about yourself is to snuggle close to the Father. Get to know Him and you get to know who He has created you to be. One thing you should remember is that you should be neither afraid of your strengths nor ashamed of your weaknesses. Embrace both. You are fearfully and wonderfully made!  

Keep yourself surrounded. One of the big things that I talk about is the power of influence, both seen and unseen. Be careful who you allow to influence your life. Surround yourself with people who challenge you and encourage you. I Timothy 4:12 says “Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” Whether it’s a group or just one person, find someone who inspires you to be an example and who is faithful to hold you accountable to the things God has called you.

Make forgiveness your friend. Isn’t it wonderful how God has reconciled us back to Himself and forgiven us of everything that we will ever do in this life? Reflect on this sacrifice daily. God chose to bring us back into relationship with Himself, and because we have received His forgiveness, we are asked to forgive others (Colossians 3:13). Making the choice to forgive someone is so hard because by extending an “allowance” for them to be human, we must accept that we are human and we need others to give us the same “allowance”. Not only is forgiveness humbling, but it also means that we let go of the hurt we feel, which may be difficult at first, but indescribable freedom is sure to follow. This life is too short to hold a grudge. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness and chokes all the life out of you and the person you can’t forgive. Let go of the chains. You must learn to forgive, even when you don’t feel like it. Talk to God about it and He will help you. He knows that forgiveness is difficult for us, but He doesn’t expect us to make it on our own. He will show you how to forgive. All you have to do is ask.

Walk fearlessly. “There is no fear in love” (I John 4:18). The opposite of love is fear. One of my favorite verses is Ephesians 3:12: “Because of Christ and our faith in Him, we can now fearlessly approach the presence of God.” Fear has been swallowed up in the presence of God. His love overcomes all fear, all inadequacies, all expectations, and all failures. There is nothing that can separate us from His love. You don’t have to be afraid of the plans that God has for you. Don’t be afraid of not measuring up to someone else’s expectations. You live for Christ; you live for Love. So don’t be fearful of what the future holds, but realize that Love is holding you. And when you walk with Love, you walk in love. So walk fearlessly.

You have a testimony. Too often, Christians think that because they weren’t delivered from a major addiction or had something dreadful happen to them as a child, they don’t have a testimony. That’s crap. And I used to believe that about myself. It wasn’t until my freshman year in college that someone asked me about my story and after I shared, said “wow, what a powerful testimony.” I was taken aback because I didn’t see my story as “testimony material”. Looking back on it now, to undermine my own journey is to say that God’s work in my life isn’t as good as His work in someone else’s, which in essence, undermines the faithfulness of God. God’s glory isn’t measured by the depth of the pit that you were pulled out of; God is glorified in His faithfulness to pull you out. Every time. If you have ever experienced the faithfulness and grace of God, then you have a testimony. You have a story to share…and someone is waiting to hear it.

God does not need your help. Think about that for a second. It actually sounds like a contradiction to the foundational beliefs of Christianity, such as the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20) and the whole idea of advancing the Kingdom of God. But saying that God needs our help suggests that God is dependent upon us, which makes Him out to be a weak, helpless God. The Creator has never been and will never be dependent on His creation. Instead, God, in His graciousness and desire for relationship with us, has invited us to become part of His story. I love the way that A.W. Tozer talks about this. In The Knowledge of the Holy, Tozer says, “For the blessed news is that the God who needs no one has in sovereign condescension set Himself to work by and in and through His obedient children. He needs no one, but when faith is present He works through anyone.” When I realized this for the first time, it was like a weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. So I say it to you. God is not dependent on you. Shed that mentality. Instead, be humbled by the invitation, open your heart, and live each day in response to His grace.

Embrace the desert. I think every Christian knows the story of Jesus being tempted by Satan in the desert. Matthew 4 tells the whole story. And because of this story, this idea of the desert, or wilderness, is scary to us because it means discomfort and vulnerability. But Luke 5:16 says that Jesus often withdrew to the desert to pray. I love this verse. Why? Because I’m an introvert and I often withdraw from others to spend time with Jesus or organize my thoughts. To be able to get alone with the Father, Jesus had to get away. Was the desert uncomfortable? Probably, since no one really followed him there. But the desert is where He found the Father. I think that sometimes we’re afraid to get alone with God. I think we’re afraid of leaving our comfort zone. I think we’re afraid that we’ll be disappointed. But growth never happens in our comfort zones. And if we really embraced the desert, embraced those moments with God, we would find that though there may be some discomfort, our thirst is quenched in the desert. Isn’t that crazy? That a desert could quench thirst? Jesus is so cool. Are you thirsty? Go to the desert. Get alone with God and experience His presence. I can promise you this, you won’t be disappointed.

Encourage regardless. I don’t have much to say on this one. When you feel like you are in need of encouragement, make it your goal to be an encouragement to someone else. Chances are, they need it just as badly as you do.

A grateful heart is a happy heart. Take on an attitude of gratefulness. Humble yourself and realize that you are where you are because of the grace of God. You are blessed! Don’t take advantage of others or prop yourself above the rest, but take note of your dependence on God and how He has blessed you. In everything, give thanks.

Plans are made to be changed. “We make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps” (Proverbs 16:9). I am such a planner; it’s both a blessing and a curse. But the real key to being a successful planner is to be flexible. If plans change, that’s ok. You don’t have to have everything figured out. Life is an adventure. So be open to what God has for you and realize that His timing is perfect. Maybe a dream that He has given you is on the shelf right now, but it’s not forgotten. One thing you have to remember is that what you think you see is only part of the picture. Plus, God’s in control, so you should stop trying to be. Life will be much more pleasant if you realize that fact and just enjoy the journey.

Wherever you are…be there. How many times have you been at lunch with someone and they are constantly checking their phone and are distracted by everything going on around them? Yeah, don’t be that person. It says, “You really aren’t that interesting and I have better places to be than here with you.” Wherever you you…be there. Whether it’s a business meeting, leadership event, classroom, or just 2 friends grabbing coffee…be there. Be attentive. Ask questions. Look the person in the eyes because that says “I see you. You are valuable to me.” No matter where you are or what you do, whether it’s a mandatory meeting or free time, be there and make the person that you are with feel valued. God values that person…shouldn’t you?

Listen more than you speak. Our society never stops talking. We talk, text, tweet...it never ends. Anyone can speak, but if you want to have influence, you have to learn the art of listening. Don’t be quick to give advice. Just listen. “…you must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” (James 1:19). This is not a new concept, just one that seems to have been overlooked. But listening serves several purposes. 1) The person who is speaking feels valued and heard. And if they feel heard, they are more likely to trust you and open up to you about more things. 2) Listening gives you time to evaluate whether a response is even necessary, and if one is, you have time to think about what you’re going to say. “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent” (Proverbs 17:28). Don’t give advice on a whim, but use wisdom in what you choose to say. 3) The less you speak, the more valuable your words become and the more likely that someone will be willing to listen to you.

In God we Trust. Trusting God is always something in which I will continue growing. Just when I reach the point where I can say that I trust Him, He calls me out further. And as much as I hate it, I love it. I want to reach that point where I trust Him with complete abandon and the only way I’m going to reach that place is if my ol’ trust muscle is exercised. What I really want to say about this is that it’s ok to struggle with trusting God. Everyone does, though few will admit it. It’s an ongoing process. And it’s not that you just have to trust Him with the moving forward, but you also have to trust Him in the times of waiting. Though situations change, God doesn’t. He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever. Whether you’re moving forward or waiting, you must learn how to abide and be satisfied in His presence. God is enough. In all things, God is enough.

Why so serious? Have you ever noticed how some people are just grumpy all the time? They have this look on their face that says, “I dare you to ask me about my chronic constipation.” In my mind, there is nothing worse than a constipated Christian trying to share the Good News. Their words say one thing, but they display something utterly unpleasant. Nobody wants that. But we do have Good News! Jesus is the greatest news that anyone could ever receive. Christians should be the happiest people on the planet. Do we still face the same struggles that the world faces? Of course, but Jesus is our strength and Source of our joy and He has already overcome the world! The world doesn’t need more super serious “Constipated for Christ” activists…they need people that they can relate to. Tap into the joy of the Lord! Be real with people. The best form of evangelism, in my mind, is not evangelism at all…its everyday life. Build relationships. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself. Get messy. And smile. :)

Willing to do anything, but obedient to do everything. This little phrase has become the foundation for how I live my life. It has shifted my thinking. It’s one thing to be passionate about the things of God and to be surrendered to His will, but it’s another thing entirely to be obedient. Don't do things simply because you’re passionate about them, but be obedient to the voice of God. Obedience trumps passion ALL DAY. Passion is rooted in emotion; obedience is rooted in intimacy. Obedience starts with surrender, saying, "God, I'm Yours. Regardless of the way I feel or the desires I have, I look to You." Surrender opens up new opportunities to choose obedience. And obedience leads to freedom. 

If you have any questions or feedback, please feel free to leave a comment. God bless! :)