seek the Kingdom.

I was sitting, cross-legged, on the floor by a dirty brick wall. (It’s funny...my favorite place to spend time with God is sitting on the floor. I just think it’s incredible that God would care enough to personalize a picture for me so well with something that means so much to me.) I was sitting there with my arms resting on my knees and my hands came together, resting gently, one on top of the other, almost like they were cupped. As I was praying, something (aqueous, I assume) began to pour into my cupped hands. Right when it was about to overflow, it stopped. I sat there holding what was given to me as if it was the most precious, fragile thing I had ever held. I was excited to see what God was going to next, hoping that He would start pouring into me again and it would begin to overflow, spilling over the edge of my cupped hands. But, instead, God spoke. 

“Pour it out here.” 

Suddenly, I heard the sound of people weeping. I couldn’t see any of them, but I heard them. A whole chorus of broken voices. 

And I pleaded with God, “But this is for me! This is mine! You gave this to ME! Why should I get rid of it?” 

And God spoke again, “Pour it out.” 

My hands started trembling and tears rolled down my face. Though I didn’t utter the words, the question that was really plaguing me was clear: “But what happens if I become empty? What then?”. God was silent. I sat there, immobile, lost in the cries that surrounded me, trying to decide if obedience was really worth losing what I had received. With trembling hands, I began to pour it out, not all of it, but some. 

“Pour it out over here now.” 

Again, I decided to obey and poured out just a bit more. This happened several times until I had only a small amount left in my hands. God gave the command again, and again, I pleaded.

“Pour it out.” 

“But then I’ll be completely empty.” 

“Pour it out.” 

“But I won’t have anything left!” 

“Pour it out.”

“But are you going to fill me up again?” 

Silence. Somehow I knew that had to trust Him and poured out what was left. The crying stopped. Though I was presently empty, I was flooded with peace. 

After a few minutes of silence, something began to pour into my hands and I smiled as a single tear rolled down my cheek. 

This picture didn't make sense until I read Matthew 6:33 and now I can’t read that verse without remembering this picture.  Too often I get sucked into making this life about me and my personal relationship with God. And that's great! God so delights in the simpliest attempts at meeting with Him. But seeking the Kingdom is beyond me and my comfort zone. 

Sometimes, seeking the Kingdom means pouring out what God has given me, even without the promise of being refilled.