Thursday, January 10, 2013

the meeting place.

     She lived a normal life. She was as standard as eleven year olds come. There was nothing significantly special about her. She lived in a fairly small village just west of Chicago. Her family was rather wealthy; in fact, she grew up without want. She lived in the biggest house in the entire county, which was strategically placed on a hill for all to see. 
One afternoon, she peered outside her window. From that spot on the hill, she could see, for what seemed like to her eleven year old eyes, miles. She scanned the scene before her. It was such a beautiful view. She loved to gaze across the town and take in everything: the small bakery on the corner, the jolly mailman who walked up and down the street with a smile on his face, and old “Freckle”, the firehouse Dalmatian who rarely did much of anything. This time, however, something caught her eye that she had never seen before. She pushed her face to the window and squinted her eyes, but she could not make out what was before her. 
Knowing that she needed a better look, she grabbed her jacket and sprinted out the front door. She ran down the hill in the direction of the mystery spot, stopping only once to avoid being hit by a car traveling perpendicular to her course. As she got closer, she slowed and finally stopped. Breathing heavily, her eyes focused on the spot. 
It was a garden, but not just any garden. It was, in fact, the most beautiful garden she had ever seen. She had never seen such an array of colors. Pinks, purples, and yellows blended together on the left side of the garden. On the right, there were deep blue orchids scattered throughout patch after patch of brilliant orange roses. Towards the back, there were countless types of flowers with colors that she had never imagined. The grass screamed the most vivid shade of green that there ever was and each blade was trimmed to the perfect height. Up through the center of the garden was a quaint little brick path which widened into a small patio. There, a lone bench sat peacefully under of the shade of the only oak tree in the whole garden. A pristine white fence framed the garden, providing an elegant contrast from the glorious blooms. The entrance to the garden was a lovely little gate on which hung a brass colored plaque with writing on it, but she could not make out what it said. Curiously, the gate was slightly ajar. 
“This garden,” she thought as she sighed, “is truly a perfect garden.” 
She continued to search the garden with her eyes, taking in every angle and every bloom. Since the gate was partially open, she thought about stepping inside for a closer look. Suddenly, something startled her. A budding bush began to shake and she quickly realized that she was not the only person there; in fact, the gardener had been in the garden the entire time. She wondered why she had not noticed him before. 
The gardener was a curious man. He wore bluish grey pants, a short sleeved shirt of the same color, and a brown belt, which provided the only form of differentiation between the two articles of clothing. His arms were splotched with green dye from pruning the flowers and his knees were covered with dirt. On his head, he wore an old, tattered, red baseball cap which had been bleached by excessive exposure to the sun. His face was not seen, as he was on his hands and knees, busily working away with his bush. 
She watched him for a while, intrigued by his movements. She had never seen a gardener who worked so diligently and carefully, almost as if this garden was of the utmost importance. She thought back to her own gardener, a scary old man who was rather ignorant of anything going on around him. She immediately assumed that this gardener would be the same and decided that he was not worth her time. She would not speak to him; she would watch him in silence.
Soon, she realized that she had been standing there for almost an hour and decided to head home. As she walked up the hill towards her house, she could not help but look over her shoulder to catch another glimpse of the garden. Even from afar, it was breathtaking. 
Day after day, she came to visit the garden. She would sit in the same spot, which was inches way from the fence. She did not dare go any closer as she was afraid that the gardener would yell at her and accuse her of trespassing, even though the gate was, as it was every day, ajar. She would wait and watch the gardener tend to the flowers. She was fascinated by how gently the gardener moved and how carefully he held each blossom, like each petal held some sort of importance and worth. She often heard him hum as he worked; his sweet, deep voice echoed softly through the garden. 
Today, as she sat and watched, something felt different, though she could not figure out what it was. The gardener was busy working when he suddenly looked up at her. This was the first time he had ever made eye contact with her. She felt afraid that he was going to shoo her away and tell her to never come back. 
As she was contemplating her apparent lecture and dismissal, his voice interrupted her thoughts.
“Peyton.” he said softly as he rose from where he knelt. 
She was startled. Fear swept over her, but in the same instant that it appeared, it vanished. 
“How did he know my name?” she thought. “We have never spoken.”
He walked toward her and, for the first time, she saw his face. He was an older man and his face glowed as the sun highlighted a thin layer of sweat, evidence of his dedication. The black and white stubble around his mouth and cheeks wrinkled as his lips curled into a warming smile. 
“Hello, Peyton,” he greeted as he reached the fence. 
She jumped to her feet. Though the fence stood between her and the gardener, she stepped back, distancing herself from the garden. She was prepared to flee, but for some reason, she could not look away. His warm gaze captivated her. 
“How did you know my name?” she whispered.
The gardener chuckled. He shifted his gaze to the rose bush beside him. As gently as she had ever seen him move, he cupped the most gorgeous Latin Lady rose with his hands. He gently lowered his head to the rose and breathed in its fragrance. 
“Mmmm,” he exhaled, “there is nothing quite like this.”
He stood and his gaze returned to the girl. 
“Would you like to come in?” he asked, gesturing to the world of flowers around him.
She really wanted to go into the garden, but she could not bare the thought of how damaging her presence might be. What if she broke something? What if she messed something up? What if the garden was forever marred by her footprint in the grass? The garden was too beautiful to take any chances. She could not risk it. Furthermore, she did not want to upset the owner of the garden, whoever he or she may be. 
“No, I shouldn’t.” she said and then quickly added, “Maybe tomorrow.” 
The gardener did not ask her again. Instead, he suggested that she sit back down where she was before, while he sat down right where he had been standing. He asked her questions and she told him about her school and her family. They laughed and joked. There was something so welcoming about the way he was interested in her life. She wanted to tell him everything. 
After about an hour, she stood to leave.
“Wait, Peyton,” he pleaded, “I have something for you.”
The gardener stood and cupped the same Latin Lady rose that he had smelled before. As gently as he could, he broke the stem. 
“Why did you do that? Are you crazy?” she demanded.
She could not believe that he would ruin such a perfect rose. Much to her surprise, he extended the rose to her. 
“Here. I want you to have this.” he said.
Without taking her eyes off of the gardener, she accepted the rose. As he pulled his hand away, she noticed the fresh cuts and small scars that covered his hand. She realized the blood and sweat that went into preparing this peaceful paradise. The thought of his dedication to this garden almost made her weep. Why was it so important to him? She did not think that this garden belonged to him, but she was not certain, since she still had not seen what was written on the plaque on the gate. Slowly, she pulled the rose to her face and took a deep breath. It smelled more beautiful than she believed anything could smell.
“Thank you,” she managed to say weakly. “This is beautiful, but won’t you get in trouble for giving me this rose?”
“Well,” he began, “I think it will be okay.”
“Who owns this garden?” she asked.
“Oh, it’s for someone special,” he answered.
She really wanted to know who’s name appeared on the plaque, but since the gardener never pressed her for answers, she decided that she would drop the issue. She clutched the rose in her small hands and turned to go.
“Good-bye, Peyton,” he said with a smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Sure enough, they met the next day and the day after that. The days turned into weeks; the weeks bled into months. Each time, they would sit on their side of the fence, her on the outside and him in the garden. Each time, the gardener would invite her to step inside the garden.
“No, I shouldn’t. Maybe tomorrow.” was her response.
At the end of each day, she would leave with a new rose. She would head up the hill for home and glance back to view the garden one more time. Every day, she would wonder what it would be like to step inside of the garden and experience the beauty. However, she never once set foot in the garden. She never smelled the bouquet of fragrances that wafted into the air from the flowers or basked in the shade of the great oak tree. She never once noticed the name which was written on the plaque on the front gate.
“Peyton.”

Friday, January 4, 2013

fears, failures, and dragon heads


In 4 months from today, I will be walking across a stage in front of thousands of people to receive my B.S. degree in Accounting. I know, right? I can’t believe it either. It just doesn’t feel like I’ve been in college for almost 4 years. They always tell you to enjoy it while you can because it goes by so fast, but I didn’t believe them. But it’s so true. It goes by SO fast, and now that I feel like time is running out, I’ve started thinking about all of the things that I wish I could have done. Have I had any impact at all? I wish I had more time because I don’t feel ready. I don’t feel like I’m ready to leave school, part from my friends, and enter the “real world”. 

The “real world”. Whoa. I have always had a problem with trying something new. I guess you could say that I’m fearful. What if I fail? What if I’m not as good as I thought? What if I don’t measure up? Failure has a tendency to scare me. A lot. And because of this fear, I could miss out on many opportunities to find joy and happiness. 
I remember going to the local carnival when I was 4 or 5 years old. My brother wanted to ride the little dragon roller coaster...you know the one: the front has a giant scary dragon head, the dragon tail is the caboose, and it just goes in around in a small circle. There’s not much to the ride, just some minor turbulence that may require a quick visit with a chiropractor. I didn’t want to go near the thing, much less on it, but my parents wanted me to ride it. I was so scared. I cried, screamed, and embarrassed my parents (yesss) all in a matter of seconds. [Now, I need to inform you that I most definitely wasn’t the child that screamed and cried when I didn’t get my way (you know, like the annoying brats at Walmart), however, when it came to something that scared me, I became pretty vocal.] Nevertheless, my parents made me ride the thing AND I LOVED IT! They couldn’t keep me off of it! I had to ride again and again and again! From then on, I couldn’t wait for the carnival to come to town so that I could ride my favorite ride...the little dragon roller coaster. 

From riding horses to singing my first solo, a small “push” was required for me to attempt such things. I’m thankful that my parents made me do some things that I was too afraid to try because I thought I would fail. I don’t like the unknown. And if I’m looking at something for the first time, chances are that I’m going to observe and analyze every angle or outcome before I just jump into something, which can be a good thing...sometimes. Sometimes, it’s a hindrance. 

But honestly, the real problem lies not in failure itself, but in my interpretation of the definition of success. Success is not the absence of failure. If success is solely based on one’s performance or achievement, then they can only be “successful” to the extent of their own abilities. However, I have come to realize that success should not be based in ability, but in identity. As sons and daughters of the Most High, who are loved and cherished by Him, we are designed with purpose. And because we are loved by God and we love Him in return, we are successful. Simple as that.

Can you imagine how you would respond in a new experience if you entered it already knowing that you were successful? Would that change anything for you? It sure has for me. Failure is no longer something that I regret or avoid, but rather, it’s become something that I embrace. I learn more through failure than I do success. Failure does not have the power to craft my identity. No matter how many times I fail, I am successful because my Father loves me. Failure and success are co-existent; what matters is the effect that you allow them to have on the way you live your life. 

The thing that you must come to realize is that God is not discouraged by your failure. He already knows how often and how badly you are going to fail throughout your lifetime. But He’s not going anywhere. There is nothing that you can do to make Him stop loving you. (Romans 8:38-39) But you must trust Him. Trust what He’s doing and trust when and where He calls you. One thing I know for sure: GOD WILL NEVER FAIL YOU. He can’t. And His plans for your life are better than you could ever dream. (Ephesians 3:20) 

Life is too short to live aimlessly. Confront your fears and embrace your purpose. 
Be obnoxious. 
Breathe passion. 
Live fearlessly.