so...here's to growth.

I’ve always been considered mature for my age, what that really means I haven’t a clue. But people have told me this ever since I was a young thing. Clearly these people haven’t seen me recently: 20 years old and I walk out of my room at 2am with my hair disheveled, carrying a box that once held a vacuum cleaner, and pull out a Nerf N-Strike Raider Rapid Fire CS-35 Dart Blaster and attack my unsuspecting prey. Yeah, that’s maturity right there. Yessir. But these dear folks say I’m mature, so obviously, it’s true. But when you think about it, what is maturity? How is it measured? How can one really say that they’re mature? Is there a system? Is there a specific level that’s considered one’s optimum maturity? I could really care less. In fact, I don’t care how mature I am now or how mature I eventually will be...what I’m concerned about is growth. 

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Growth and maturity are synonymous.” Maybe so, but not to me, and this is my blog, so we’ll stick with what I think. Growth, as it pertains to humans, is the optional outcome based on one’s reaction to opportunity. Growth is always a choice; it’s always your choice. You can’t always choose your surroundings or your circumstances, but you have a choice as to how you are going to react to said circumstances. 

Another thing: growth isn’t easy. Ever. The process of growth is rather uncomfortable. I have never known growth to spring from a routine. It comes from change. The times in my life where I’ve grown are usually situations that are tough and painful, like when my church of 16 years closed or when my grandma passed away. There’s also growth in changes that are just different, like when I left for college. In both of those situations and in many more like them, I had decisions to make, and they weren’t easy, but they were right. 

I long for growth. Spiritual growth. I want to always be growing. My dad once told me that “if you’re not moving forward (growth), you’re slowly sliding backwards (shrinkage)”. It’s so true! It’s so easy to fall into compromise, and sometimes, you aren’t even aware of it. It’s like that Casting Crowns song “Slow Fade” (if you haven’t heard it, shame on you...jk go listen to it now!). I don’t want to live a life of compromise. I want to grow! I want to grow fast! 

And what a better time for growth than this summer?! I can’t begin to express how excited I am! I’m gonna do something drastic, something daring, something I’ve never attempted before: I’m going to fast movies and TV for 12 consecutive weeks. Why? Because too much of my time is being wasted on such nonsense. I’m going to spend my time more wisely: exploring God’s Word, reading books, writing books and songs, praying, increasing my guitar skills, and doing something artistic. Will it be hard? Yes. Is it doable? Yes. Philippians 4:13 “I can go ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.” Yeah, it’s a sacrifice, but it’s also a season of growth! 

How do you grow faster? I don’t know, but I think it’s through openness to God. God can use an open person. God brings opportunity to those who are obedient. And as I said before, growth comes from opportunity. And through this fast, I’m going to become closer and more open to God. This is the summer for change. I can feel it. And I’m excited :)

So, here’s to growth!

the creativity card.

So, I love pretty much anything involving color and design. For the longest time, I wanted to be an architect, but here I am...planning on getting a degree in accounting. It’s amazing to me how my interests cover a vast amount of topics, such as photography, archery, and top spinning. In pursuit towards art and color, I took a few art classes, allowing my creativity to be expanded. But the more I learned, the more I realized that creativity is a vital part of life, not something that’s merely meant for those who call themselves “artistic”. 

This past school year has been amazing! I’ve grown so much in my relationships, mostly in my relationship with God. Being a wing chaplain has challenged me in ways that I wasn’t really expecting, but gladly embraced nonetheless. Devos, a weekly prayer/fellowship/devotional, have been a really cool part of what I do. I feel like we’ve done everything from beer pong (with root beer) to worship to being women of encouragement. We’ve talked about beauty, self-esteem, and how our identity is found in Christ alone. We talked about dreams and the God Who is faithful to bring about even the smallest and simplest dream. We shared about the heart of the Father, Who is jealous for us and Whose love is unquenchable. We’ve finger-painted, laughed, cried, hugged, prayed, watched movies, snuggled, ate. But mostly, we’ve grown...grown into women of faithfulness and purity, grown in freedom. It’s so beautiful :)

I’m already thinking about next year and how I get to do this all over again. And that thought really kinda freaked me out. I suddenly felt like I had used my last card and that I don’t have anything left to offer. I’m out of creativity. And that was a really depressing and lonely feeling...especially when I’m not even sure if what I did this year did that much good, you know?

But then I had this entirely amazing experience. I can’t even really describe what happened, but in short, everything is good now. I felt God ask me if the creativity I had used was mine or His. It’s His, of course, to which He responded “And you’re saying that I, Who created everything that ever was and ever has been, is suddenly out of creativity?” Talk about a shocker of a question...I almost slapped myself for even thinking such a thing! But isn’t it true though? We go through life and somewhere along the line, we’ve forgotten about Who it is that gives us life in the first place. 

God has my back, even when I forget that He is the One Who is holding my world in His hands. It’s all about trust...and thankfulness. Thank you, God, for reminding me that this isn’t supposed to be my burden and that I should leave the way to speak and the way to influence in Your hands. Thank you for the creativity that You are giving to me right now. Help me to use it to bring us closer to You and that You will be glorified. I love You. 

God, You inspire me :)