I’m just not thinking clearly right now. I have so much on my mind that I feel that I’m going to drown if I don’t fight it. So much is going on right now. So many questions are left unanswered. What am I supposed to do? What exactly is expected of me?
Friendship: The greatest and sometimes the most horrible thing on the planet. Greatest in the fact that your companionship is the best thing ever and I would never trade it for anything. But it’s the worst in that, no matter what I do, I can’t ever make your life painless. There’s so much I want to do and so much that I want to say, but my actions and my vocabulary fail me continually. Why can’t I be everything that you need? I see the turmoil in your eyes and I feel the pain in your voice, but I have nothing to offer. I have nothing to offer.
Why can’t I just look you in the eye and tell you that you are not worthless? Why can’t I speak from personal experience and be the comfort to you that I once needed? So here it is. This is me...attempting again.
You are NOT worthless. How can you be? You are a daughter of the Most High God!
What about the times when you helped me? What about that time when I needed an escape from my worry-filled questions about the future and you brought up Matthew 6:25-33 “Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you.”
You are beautiful. God made you the way that He wanted you. Your eyes light up even the darkest day. For realz. Psalm 139:13 says “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Your workmanship is marvelous!”
You are worthy. But not because of anything you’ve done. You can’t ever do or undo God’s love for you! It’s not about what you do; its about who He is what He’s done! Don’t listen to Satan’s deception! Satan wants to keep you locked up in chains of judgment and depression when you’ve been given freedom. The ultimate freedom! You don’t have to live that way! Your salvation is not a product of “how good you are” or your “good works”. Yes, you will have to give account of your actions, but the truth remains that you are bought by the BLOOD OF CHRIST! I don’t believe that you are “once saved, always saved,” but the very idea that you’re questioning where you stand says something about where your heart is. God has not forsaken you. And He isn’t ignoring you either. I know that you can’t feel Him right now and that you feel abandoned and that you are almost out of desperation, but hang on. You don’t know how far you’ve come. It won’t be long until you will feel His arms wrap around you and hold you tighter than ever before. You are not forgotten.
You have a purpose, my friend. This is just one example, but remember that time when I was getting slammed for my beliefs? And you sent me that fabulous facebook message on March 1, 2009, and mentioned Isaiah 55:10-11? Your encouragement was something that kept me going. You are always good with encouraging me when I need it the most. You know me, and most people can’t figure me out. And that’s why you are my best friend :)
I love you :]
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