We were 5 years old. We were at VBS at a local church. This boy and his posse of 2 hombres were sitting in the row behind me...and out of nowhere started poking me in the butt! Now, my father had previously instructed me that if a boy were to ever touch me in an inappropriate place, that I was to slap them across the face as hard as I could. Before you imagine what could possibly be the most hilarious “little kid romance” story ever...stop...I didn’t slap him. But I was really upset and told them to stop, but they wouldn’t, so I told the teacher, she told their parents, and the poking ceased. At the end of the day, the ringleader, who’s name was Matt, I later discovered, came up to me and said “Hi, I’m sorry for what I did, but I only did it because I liked you. Here’s my picture and $2. Will you be my girlfriend?”
For the rest of that week, Matt and I did everything together...prayed, ran around outside, did arts & crafts, etc. He even ate a bug for me. He was my first boyfriend. And for those of you that are wondering...yes...I STILL have his picture :)
[SKIP TO AFTER SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL...BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING WORTH REPORTING...BECAUSE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED...EVER.]
So, I met this guy my freshmen year in college and I was immediately attracted to him, not necessarily because of the way he looked, though he wasn’t too shabby, but because of the way he carried himself and treated others. He is one of those guys that everyone knows and if you asked anyone about him they always applauded his character. I liked him, I really did, but if anyone asked me about it, I would have denied that. He was just really chill and cool and I totally felt comfortable being myself around him. My sophomore year I decided that I didn’t want to like him anymore, and I’m not really sure why either. Key phrase here is “didn’t WANT to like him...” for I knew that I did. I couldn’t help but like him. I started praying that God would help me to stop liking him. I begged God to take away the attraction that I felt towards him. (haha I feel like I’m making myself sound retarded...)
Now, it’s junior year...and I realized something. I don’t really want to lose that attraction for him...because I’m not attracted to HIM, pre-say, but to certain qualities that he possesses. I WANT to be attracted to those qualities. God made me to desire those qualities, and I don’t need to pray for God to diminish them. I need to thank God for those qualities and praise Him for giving me a heart that desires those qualities. What I need to do is allow Him to bury me in His presence. What better place to be then in His presence? And what am I afraid of? If I’ve given my heart to God, then He won’t let me give it away easily.
Guard my heart, God.
My advice to you? Ha!...I have no advice. I make it up as I go along, taking each new day as it comes, savoring each morsel of wisdom God decides to give me in the moment. I guess my advice would be to #1 be yourself...because you’re beautiful! Don’t ever sacrifice who you are for some dude. If he can’t accept you for who you are, he don’t deserve you, and he will have to deal with God, because you are fearfully and wonderfully made and God inscribed HIMSELF on your life! “Let me assure you...it’s not me, it’s you.” #2 Don’t take yourself too seriously. C’mon, person reading this! Learn to laugh! We ALL do stupid things...EVERYONE has tripped up the stairs at some point in they lives...just throw yo head back and partake in a nice, long, hearty chuckle. Have fun! And #3 “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteous, and everything else will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33) That’s His promise to us! Be faithful to God for He IS faithful to you. Even when it seems that life is so messed up and your emotions are on a roller coaster and you can’t find which way is up...God has a plan and He knows how to make sense of it all. Keep trusting Him.
So, this is me...almost 21...and I’m still trying to figure out this whole “being a girl” thing.
you’re not alone :)
