I hate silence. I would rather put on a movie and not pay attention to it or turn up some random music than sit in a silent room. When I go to bed, I blast my air conditioner or kick on the fan to provide some nice, consistent background noise. And “moments of silence”? Yeah, those are just creepy. I’m not afraid of silence, it just isn’t comfortable. And I hate it.
Yet...how many times am I content to remain silent for someone else? How many times am I okay with watching as a friend’s life is being drained by the path they’ve walked because I don’t have the guts to say something? How many hurting girls will I turn away because I don’t want to face my own brokenness? God, if only You could somehow use this mess that I’ve created.
God’s been telling me lately that I need to become unreserved in my faith and in my lifestyle. Unreserved - without reservation. What’s holding me back? So many times, I’ve longed to find my voice and make my beliefs known, make truth known, but I’m silenced by the threat of not being considered “politically correct.” I guess I’m just hiding in my own condemnation and fear.
My mom was one of those high school Christians that you didn’t mess with. Whenever anyone cursed around her, she shut them down, until they all learned to keep their mouths shut. She was feared, respected.
Paul is one of my favorite people in the Bible. He has quite the story: murderer of Christians changed to encourager of Christians. Regardless of his past, he became a great man of God. He was a man of authority and encouragement. However, he was also a man of confrontation, being totally unreserved in his speech. He spoke the truth and said things that made people uncomfortable and convicted. His goal was to be correct in the eyes of God, not politics. Sin appalled him and he refused to be silent about it. He was a man of passion, and because of his passion for his people, he lost his life.
I want to be like Paul. I want to be so passionate about people that I could say that “I would be willing to be forever cursed - cut off from Christ - if that would save them.” (Romans 9:3) I want his boldness and his endurance. I want his faith.
The only problem is...I don’t know how to get there.
God, give me direction. I want to be unreserved to Your will.
